The Friend Zone

I have been known to refer to myself as a “professional dater”. This is not a fact I wear proudly like a Miss America sash, no, it’s more like you search Webster’s dictionary for the term “dater” and you will see my name in the definition.

This was not my life’s purpose or goal. Remember, I am the girl that believes in “ happily ever after”. I was supposed to be married “til death do us part,” until that dream died.

I was certain true love would find me, I had no idea I had to go find love.


I am not one to cry into my coffee about my circumstances, so I thought to find love meant I would date. But date how many men, and how long would it take before my soul mate would appear?

It’s been years and I still haven’t met Mr. Right. I’ve met Mr. TooShort, Mr.Buff, Mr.California, Mr.Readyforthegrave, and the list goes on…

I was not taking into account that I had no idea of what I wanted or who I was looking for, I had not considered my side of the equation.

This brings me to my current state of dating detox. That’s right, I am getting rid of all the old dating toxins. I am starting fresh. Giving myself time to discover who I’m looking for, so there will be no mistaking him when I meet him. I am conducting my own research based on who I have given dates to in the past and who I should not have given dates to. What worked about the good dates and what didn’t work about the not-so-good dates. Then I can gather the data and be more informed and intentional as to whom I give my time to in the future.

I want to be clear and take this new path slowly. I am realizing for the first time that I need to be friends in the beginning, before there can be a wild romance. What happened to compatibility and companionship? I think this fast-paced culture we live in today has dating completely backwards, and I was getting swept away in the dating storm of Physical Attraction Matters.

The ideal human mating practice is one where the man pursues the woman, the woman acts coy, to allow for a chase.  Mutual attraction is established. When the man catches the woman, she leads the man to believe it was all his doing and a courtship ensues. Common interests and shared values are discovered that may or may not lead to a long-term relationship, commitment or marriage.

This is why I am going to make friends with the “friend zone.” Take the time to truly be friends first. I believe this will alleviate a lot of regret and separate the men from the boys.